Pig Pig

It's been a few months since I lost my PIG and I'm finally able to write about him.  

We raise American Guinea Hogs and Kunekunes. Pig Pig was a mix of the two breeds. They are pasture pigs and need to be moved around every few months during the warm months. 

We were in the middle of moving our pigs and fencing around, it was a bit chaotic. Our dogs love to herd the pigs back into their homes. This can be good and bad. 

As they were herding Pig Pig he ran into a wire fence fell back and had a seizure. Wayland (my son) was trying to stop the dogs because when the fencing is being moved pigs are everywhere. He called me over right away and I thought the pig was a goner for sure! He was stiff but still breathing. We picked him up and took him over to that deck, still stiff no movement but breathing. 

So.... I TOOK HIM IN THE HOUSE! 

This PIG was NOT staying in the house for more that a week maybe 2 but no more, I'll have him up and moving in no time. 

Next I tried to feed him, he couldn't stand up so I bottle feed him.

We made him a bed with a ton of puppy pads and old towles. In my head I'm thinking this pig is meat for next winter, he'll be in and out in 1 week, Easy Peasy. 

No Attachment. Heal and move on!

I consulted a facebook page about pigs on what and why this has happened. I had a ton of feedback (one of the best parts of facebook are the groups) if a pig is "stressed" like dog chasing him into a fence. They will have a seizure end then be unable to walk. Many people successfully healed their pigs over a 3 to 6 month period. 

😮😟😲

In the early days when it was still cool outside I would put him on the deck or in the yard for some sunshine. This was before he could walk.

As the days turned into weeks I became frustrated! He could barely lay on his tummy without falling back on his side. He was making very small improvements and he was trying so hard to get up and be a pig. Everyday I bathed him and fed him, trying to keep my distance (which is very hard for me). I'm not a very good farm girl. 

One day as I was giving him a bath and I had this overwhelming feeling that if I was going to HEAL him I had to LOVE him. 

I opened my heart and he loved it.

 When I helped him up he slowly began to walk . I talked to him all the time and he would talk back with little grunts. He followed me everywhere and when he fell over I would help him back up. He had a strong side and a weak side, depending on which side he fell would depend on if he need help up. He tried so hard to get up and go! He was determined to walk.

He didn't care for the swing.

A couple months later.

In the day time we would let him out but at night he came back in. With him falling down we would check on him throughout the day to make sure he was not in direct sunlight or stuck on a rock. I moved this hut directly behind my sewing room so I could watch him, but he was a roamer and would graze everywhere.
If he wanted in he knew which door to find me.

He was not accepted by his brothers and sisters but he was finally accepted by the dogs. If he fell over they would try to help him up. I think he thought he was a dog. He even began to potty outside. At night he would come in and sleep on a dog bed. 

He was my sidekick, he followed me everywhere. 

As the seasons changed and the temperature begin to get over 80, I had to watch him very close. Direct sunlight on a black pig for too long is not good. I believe it was May and it was getting warm and my husband called to remind us to check the pig water and the pig puddle so everyone could cool down. We checked the pigs and everyone had water. The one thing we forgot to check was PigPig. He was doing so good and most of the time when he fell over he would pop right back up. 

I was sewing on a quilt rushing along knowing I had all the time that I needed and more to meet the deadline, but I wanted to get it done before the weekend. 

(This was me being all in my head with crazy expectations)

The boys came running into my sewing room telling me to come quickly that Pig Pig was on the deck throwing up. 

Oh my GOSH! 

He fell over and couldn't get up in the direct sun!

 I ran out there and picked him up and put him in a lukewarm bath and slowly dropped the temperature. He was breathing heavily  and unresponsive. I dried him off and took him into the living room and laid him down with a fan on him. He slowly calmed down and I let him rest while I went back to quilting. I checked on him a few times and he was still a bit out of it and sleeping off and on. 

My husband came home from work and went to check on him, this woke Pig Pig up. He began to scream and I came running in. It was LOUD! I immediately went to the floor and pulled up so I could hold him. As soon as I had him in my arms he stopped crying. I held him for a while and called my husband over, he knew from the tone in my voice that we had to put him down. 

Then for a minute I thought he was doing better. I laid him down and the crying and screaming started up again.
NO! NO! NO! I couldn't lose him! We worked so hard and we had both come so far together there was NO way that he was going to die. I picked him up and held him close, he stopped crying and I held him tight and rocked back and forth. Thinking there's no way I can have Eddie shoot him. 

He died in my arms within 5 minutes. It was peaceful. 

As I write this I can't stop crying but I think that there is a lesson to be told and a way of life to be made.

While I was holding him all I could think about is that I was so distracted and rushing that I wasn't paying attention to what mattered. I was so disappointed in myself and mad very mad at quilting at rushing at my lack of paying attention. I was grieving for a pig that was supposed to be dinner this winter.

 That Pig Pig changed me.

My husband said that Pig Pig was probably an Angel and from the time of the seizer until the he died that he was here to watch over me and to open up my heart and my eyes. I think he was right.

With the death of Pig Pig I quit quilting for the public, immediately. I was working with 4 different people and I had to cancel on all of them. There was no way I could quilt for a long time. 

I decided to work on myself. 

My relationship with my eldest son was slipping and fast. 

My physical and mental health  were in need of a reboot. I began by watching parenting videos and trying connect with my son. Which has been working. #1 don't yell! No matter what. 

Then I started to browse Pinterest one day and saw a schedule that someone had posted and she walked her dog twice a day 1 hr each time. What a great idea! I began to walk every morning with my dog and guess what my oldest son comes with us. How awesome is that.

The other day my 1st customer sent me a photo of a quilt that she had just finished and wondered if I would quilt it for her? 

I said, Yes!
I felt ready and strong.

This has been almost 3 months since the loss of my Pig and my grieving has passed but the love and lessons still remain. You know I have never lost anyone that was close. I have lost pets and my dogs are my best friends but I have never grieved like this before. I was so shocked at the effect that Pig Pig had on me.

I was talking to a friend yesterday and she told me that I reminded her of how she used to be. She said that she would just do stuff because she could and be so busy and the stress would build up and if something major happened it would just be too much.

I find this very true and I have a hard time on managing my time. Giving myself time to rest or spend with my family instead of Quilt 24/7. 

My goal is to treat my longarm like a job that I will go to M-F, 6 hrs a day and the rest is for me and my family. Being that Pig Pig is buried close to my sewing room window, I will always have a reminder to keep it real.

This photo below was taken a week before he died.
He did love to graze and Sally was the only pig that didn't attack him.
They were good friends.

 I miss him so much!